Post by ghengis on Jul 20, 2012 10:11:34 GMT 2
Let me start by saying I do NOT see movies in theaters. The last movie I saw in theaters was the Dark Knight and I watched that 3 times because it *cruisering* ruled. That being said Dark Knight Rises was a steaming pile of shit. With great actors, a huge budget, and Christopher Nolan directing this movie is a shoe in for best picture. The last time I was this disappointed spending ten bucks was on a burrito that I threw up 20 minutes later.
*Cue Spoilers
1. Bullshit rescue scenarios. Okay, every superhero movie has the part where at the last possible moment the hero comes in and saves everyone. This happened about 15 times in this movie. Batman would magically appear and stop someone from being murdered, then 2 seconds later he would do the same thing about 20 miles away. Give me a break. Don't have 15 bullshit scenarios and ESPECIALLY don't do them one after another. I mean he actually saves that faggot commissioner gordon and about 2 seconds later saves joseph gordon. IMPOSSIBLE AND DUMB.
2. Retarded Cops. Remember Batman Begins where EVERY cop in the city goes over the bridge to stop the prison riot even though its an obvious trap? They all get gassed by the scare crow and every cop is rendered insane and useless. Same exact thing happens in this one. 3000 cops go down into the sewers to get Bane. Guess what Bane sets a trap in the sewers and closes all the exits. 3 cops do not go underground. Is this real writing? So you're telling me thousands of cops went into the sewers and you only left THREE above ground? Even my retarded friend raised his eyebrows at this.
3. Batman's trust. Bruce Wayne has some energy reactor that can also be used as an atom bomb. He decides to tell a bunch of people including this bitch he just fucked. Seriously? God forbid you trust honest Morgan Freeman or your ass kissing acolyte butler, no trust the girl you met 2 seconds ago with the god damn atom bomb. COOL.
4. The Pit. Bane beats the shit out of Batman and puts him in a prison/pit somewhere in South Africa or some shit. Mind you, an 8 year old girl escaped from this pit. Bane is surprised to see that Batman escapes. Really? An 8 year old climbed out and you're surprised that *cruisering* Batman escaped. *cruiser* you Christoper Nolan. Not to mention, shortly after Batman escapes from the pit he is somehow back in Gotham. Never-mind the fact that he was in South Africa with no passport, transportation, or money. He is just walking around Gotham the next day talking to Cat woman like "no big deal".
5. The Line. This is possibly the worst line of any movie ever. Shortly after swimming from Africa back to Gotham, Batman rescues the dumbass cops and there is a huge brawl between Bane and his goons vs Batman and cops. Bane and Batman square off and Bane says something like "did you come here to get your ass kicked again?". Then Batman drops this gem of a line, "No I came here to stop you". No shit Batman. You had like 2 months of prison time to think of something to say and that's what you came up with? The writers worked on this script for countless hours and this is the trash they throw out? Don't worry though, the worst is yet to come.
6. WHERE IS IT? Batman proceeds to kick the *cruiser* out of Bane who knows where the detonator for this A bomb is. His interrogation techniques are limited to screaming WHERE IS IT? 6-7 times in Bane's face. Why would this psychopath on a suicide mission tell you where the god damn detonator is just because you are asking him? Again, I can't believe people actually worked on this script. It seems like they just copy and pasted a bunch of lines from the first two movies without a *cruisering* thought.
7. Motive? The villains have zero motive. I would say there's about 30-40 goons working for Bane and whatever that cunt's name is. They decide to get an Atom bomb and blow themselves up so they can destroy Gotham. What a stupid *cruisering* idea. Seriously was Bane just like, hey guys want to kamikaze this city with me? Yeah sure Bane, I wasn't doing anything else today why not. The female villain gives the explanation that she is "finishing what her father started". Ok, well frankly that's a bullshit reason I don't care if you're in the League of Poor Terrorist Plots, come up with something better you god damn hacks.
8. The ending. So Batman flies the bomb out to sea in his aircraft to save the city. You see a countdown go :02 :01 and a mushroom cloud explosion. Guess what? Batman is alive and fine he is just *cruisering* cat woman in Florence. Of all the horrible inconsistencies and just AWFUL parts of this movie, this really takes the cake. I mean Batman explodes, then he is alive. *cruiser* Hollywood and stupid crowd pleaser endings like this. I could have given this movie an "ok" if Batman had at least died, but no. It was just all bullshit and I hated every second of it.
0 stars
I've never seen a movie with so much potential suck so much cock. This is like giving someone 3 full health trow and somehow losing to a single thrall. Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon Fuckit, Morgan Freeman, the hot cat bitch, THE MONEY SPENT, THE HOURS SPENT WRITING. I have no idea how this happened but I am very frustrated, confused, and angry. *cruiser* Christopher Nolan, *cruiser* Hollywood, and *cruiser* every brain-dead twat that walked out of the movie talking about how awesome it was.
*Cue Spoilers
1. Bullshit rescue scenarios. Okay, every superhero movie has the part where at the last possible moment the hero comes in and saves everyone. This happened about 15 times in this movie. Batman would magically appear and stop someone from being murdered, then 2 seconds later he would do the same thing about 20 miles away. Give me a break. Don't have 15 bullshit scenarios and ESPECIALLY don't do them one after another. I mean he actually saves that faggot commissioner gordon and about 2 seconds later saves joseph gordon. IMPOSSIBLE AND DUMB.
2. Retarded Cops. Remember Batman Begins where EVERY cop in the city goes over the bridge to stop the prison riot even though its an obvious trap? They all get gassed by the scare crow and every cop is rendered insane and useless. Same exact thing happens in this one. 3000 cops go down into the sewers to get Bane. Guess what Bane sets a trap in the sewers and closes all the exits. 3 cops do not go underground. Is this real writing? So you're telling me thousands of cops went into the sewers and you only left THREE above ground? Even my retarded friend raised his eyebrows at this.
3. Batman's trust. Bruce Wayne has some energy reactor that can also be used as an atom bomb. He decides to tell a bunch of people including this bitch he just fucked. Seriously? God forbid you trust honest Morgan Freeman or your ass kissing acolyte butler, no trust the girl you met 2 seconds ago with the god damn atom bomb. COOL.
4. The Pit. Bane beats the shit out of Batman and puts him in a prison/pit somewhere in South Africa or some shit. Mind you, an 8 year old girl escaped from this pit. Bane is surprised to see that Batman escapes. Really? An 8 year old climbed out and you're surprised that *cruisering* Batman escaped. *cruiser* you Christoper Nolan. Not to mention, shortly after Batman escapes from the pit he is somehow back in Gotham. Never-mind the fact that he was in South Africa with no passport, transportation, or money. He is just walking around Gotham the next day talking to Cat woman like "no big deal".
5. The Line. This is possibly the worst line of any movie ever. Shortly after swimming from Africa back to Gotham, Batman rescues the dumbass cops and there is a huge brawl between Bane and his goons vs Batman and cops. Bane and Batman square off and Bane says something like "did you come here to get your ass kicked again?". Then Batman drops this gem of a line, "No I came here to stop you". No shit Batman. You had like 2 months of prison time to think of something to say and that's what you came up with? The writers worked on this script for countless hours and this is the trash they throw out? Don't worry though, the worst is yet to come.
6. WHERE IS IT? Batman proceeds to kick the *cruiser* out of Bane who knows where the detonator for this A bomb is. His interrogation techniques are limited to screaming WHERE IS IT? 6-7 times in Bane's face. Why would this psychopath on a suicide mission tell you where the god damn detonator is just because you are asking him? Again, I can't believe people actually worked on this script. It seems like they just copy and pasted a bunch of lines from the first two movies without a *cruisering* thought.
7. Motive? The villains have zero motive. I would say there's about 30-40 goons working for Bane and whatever that cunt's name is. They decide to get an Atom bomb and blow themselves up so they can destroy Gotham. What a stupid *cruisering* idea. Seriously was Bane just like, hey guys want to kamikaze this city with me? Yeah sure Bane, I wasn't doing anything else today why not. The female villain gives the explanation that she is "finishing what her father started". Ok, well frankly that's a bullshit reason I don't care if you're in the League of Poor Terrorist Plots, come up with something better you god damn hacks.
8. The ending. So Batman flies the bomb out to sea in his aircraft to save the city. You see a countdown go :02 :01 and a mushroom cloud explosion. Guess what? Batman is alive and fine he is just *cruisering* cat woman in Florence. Of all the horrible inconsistencies and just AWFUL parts of this movie, this really takes the cake. I mean Batman explodes, then he is alive. *cruiser* Hollywood and stupid crowd pleaser endings like this. I could have given this movie an "ok" if Batman had at least died, but no. It was just all bullshit and I hated every second of it.
0 stars
I've never seen a movie with so much potential suck so much cock. This is like giving someone 3 full health trow and somehow losing to a single thrall. Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon Fuckit, Morgan Freeman, the hot cat bitch, THE MONEY SPENT, THE HOURS SPENT WRITING. I have no idea how this happened but I am very frustrated, confused, and angry. *cruiser* Christopher Nolan, *cruiser* Hollywood, and *cruiser* every brain-dead twat that walked out of the movie talking about how awesome it was.
